yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
