3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
