i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize