fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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