So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
