I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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