I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
