Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
