I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
