my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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