Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize