i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
