I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
