just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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