I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize