The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
