after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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