Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
