And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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