My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
