I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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