it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
