I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
