He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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