I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
