hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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