Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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