and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
