dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
