Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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