u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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