the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
