Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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