im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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