His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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