when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
