dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
