Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This baby is an asshole
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
