i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
