Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize