we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No subtext here. People are naked.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
