Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
