my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
