I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So vagazzling was a success
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
