Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
