with your own penis?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
