I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
