can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
