Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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