Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Two words: blizzard sex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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