she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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