I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
