you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
