So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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