Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
