sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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