I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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