Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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