I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
