that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
