I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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