oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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