Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
