There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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