One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
