Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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