I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
