I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
