I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am midnight drunk by noon
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
