Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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