I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
