I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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