Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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