Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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