dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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